You deserve love.
Especially on this Valentine’s Day, I want to make sure you Get Love! Yet too often, I hear things people do in order to Get Love:
Like say yes when you want to say no. Do favors in the hopes of being complimented or appreciated. Say what others want to hear instead of your truth.
Be Perfect, and don’t disappoint others’ expectations. Dress or act or eat so others like you, instead of as who you really are.
Pressure others to love you or blame them if they don’t treat you the way you want to be treated.
What’s the problem with trying to Get Love?
These approaches try to control other people in order to get their love. You are ‘giving to others in order to get their love’.
Its putting your ability to feel loved in the hands of other people. When others are limited then you can’t get what YOU need.
It makes relationships feel demanding and pressured – where each of you ‘needs’ the other person to act a certain way in order for the other person to feel ok about themselves.
Instead, try these three shifts that will help you instantly Get the Love you want without trying to get it:
1.From Get Love to Be Love
Don’t wait for other people to show you love. Be someone who radiates with love. Do loving actions. Give love. Do it because it makes YOU feel on purpose and showing up as the best version of yourself.
Don’t “give to get.” Just give. And don’t worry, you will get. Whenever you bring love to other people, good things come back to you – it may not always be from the same people you showed that kindness to, but it will come back to you.
Love is the highest form of ‘vibration’. The electromagnetic field around the heart is 300 times stronger than the one around the head – that means your loving heart can raise up those who are stuck in their head.
Instead of chasing after someone else’s love, be someone who is so connected to your own source of self love that it is inspiring to others.
Loving yourself is the strongest form of protection from being hurt by others who are not capable of loving you the way you deserve.
2. From Get Love to Feel Loveable
When you feel loveable you are tapped into your source of self love. You can ‘feel loveable’ and filled up with love no matter what is going on with the people around you – even if they are limited, even if they are incapable, even if they are having a bad day or caught up in their own stress.
Focus on ‘feeling loveable’. That is in your control. You can be tapped into your self-love 24/7/365, even when you aren’t actively being shown love. It will make you attractive in your personal and professional life.
3. From Get Love to Choose Love
Just as Michelle Obama said in the 2016 campaign, ‘when they go low, we go high’.
Choose to be compassionate. Choose your response with the understanding that most people ‘act badly’ because of their own shame and insecurities – they don’t feel they know enough or they are worried you will see their flaws.
Or they are revealing that they are not capable of the kind of emotional connection you are capable of. Yet you always have a choice whether you want to choose that person to be the one you make a loving relationship with.
Always start by asking “What is the outcome I want here”? Then act in the service of that outcome. Make the first move toward it.
Yesterday, my client who is the head of a venture capital firm told me the following story: as she used the tools we discussed to be more confident and detached, and less reactive to the people who aggravated her in her office she was able to show up as someone who was much more gracious and generous at work, and more loving at home. She was astonished at the extent to which when she ‘went first’ being more loving, she got a noticeable response of cooperation at work and appreciation at home.
Notice where are YOU trying to “Get Love”? Instead, choose love.
Here’s to you feeling loveable this Valentine’s Day,